the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
