I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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