Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
