Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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