do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
