If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
