I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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