I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
