I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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