I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
