Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
