if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
