I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
