Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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