i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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