She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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