I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
