I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
