I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
