Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
