We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
