Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
