You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
