That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
