My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
