mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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