Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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