I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
