the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
