is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
