who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
