she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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