You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize