I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
