I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
