I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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