I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bring me that man meat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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