If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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