So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
