if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
