My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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