So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
