halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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