Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
