I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
