OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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