If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
