The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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