god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
