If i come over, it means nothing
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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