New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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