Ambien. No doubt about it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
