I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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