Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
