I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
