My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
