Plan B is the new Plan A
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
