The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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