I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
