last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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