Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
