is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
