she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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