im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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