you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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