On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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