Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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