the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
