Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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