Have you finally orgasmed yet?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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