I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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