i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
