Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
