i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
