Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
