i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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